Saturday Shopping

When I was a young adult, every Saturday after my mom got her hair done, we went shopping. We had a window of time. We had to leave before my dad got up and before anyone decided to stop by and just hang out at the 5058 kitchen table. Usually it was with both my sisters. Sometimes there was an agenda, but most times it was pure retail therapy. Tina and I both worked and we always needed work clothes. Gina at 7 and 8 years old HATED to shop, but she had to go with us because she was a child and she was not going to stay home with Dad and Grandpa. Almost always, we were on the hunt for sale clothes, shoes, purses, bras..The category being "things you wear on your body".
My mom led the charge. She drove, she directed, she settled disagreements between us, she gave us her opinion whether we wanted it or not and shopping got done. Power shopping. With lunch and then more shopping. My mom would encourage us to buy things if it was a good deal and if we wavered, she bought it for us. She rarely bought things for herself. Looking back I'm not sure when she shopped for herself.

This tradition went on for many years past when I lived in Cincinnati. Eventually Gina loved to shop and the 3 of them would go every Saturday. Sometimes they would shop for house wares or antiques or they would have to stop at Home Depot or Target.
Now that my mom was a little older, lunch was first, then shopping. Now they had to bring Leah, who HATES shopping because she is not staying home with her Dad or by herself.

And when Gina moved here, we continued the tradition at least one day on the weekend, time permitting. We shopped for all kinds of stuff. We expanded! We would go to swap meets, outlet stores, Ikea, and the old favs like Sam's Club, Ross, TJ MAXX and Target. There was always something we needed, wanted, had to have.

We took it for granted, that time together.

This week my mom and Gina flew in for a Thanksgiving visit. Although I love seeing them, and being with them I mostly felt sad.
My mom cannot shop at all. She's lost her ability to walk, the most critical of all shopping attributes. She still has the desire and we try, but the real truth is that most stores are not set up for the disabled. Only a few have motorized carts. And in my mom's case, we have to be right near her because in addition to not being able to walk, she has a sight limitation; so driving the cart is iffy at best. And the acceptance of her owning a wheelchair or a motorized craft is something she has not yet been able to get her arms around. On more than one attempt to shop we have had to clear off a shelf so she could sit down because her legs have given out and she is in PAIN.
Perhaps for her, it feels like she is like giving in to it. Honestly, I don't know the answer. All I know for sure is that now it's so very stressful to shop at all if my mom is around. She does not want to stay home and miss out, but she knows that going with us is not going to work.
Of course, she still wants to go. Its that power shopper that still lives inside her.

And I know this for sure: now my sisters and I spend most of our time discussing what to do about mom, how to make it better, less humiliating, less boring, less lonely. That is how we spend our sister time. If we shop together, we are guilt ridden that we have been gone too long. The joy of our group "retail therapy" has temporarily been suspended for us.

Time and aging have stepped in and adjusted our tradition. I am trying to get to that "evolved" place in my head.
The one that allows me to want to subscribe to the idea that just spending time with my mom is enough. It seems all she has now is time, memories and Gina's list of things to buy.
Because old habits die-hard. And once you are a power shopper, it seems it stays with you, no matter what.

For all those years and years of tradition, I want to say thank you. And I am hoping we can start a new tradition, where we are happy with talking about shopping, and just having a little lunch.